So this is my favorite draft ever and GNR’s classic Appetite for Destruction might be my favorite album ever. It is top to bottom solid with a few of the deeper cuts you could even view as “sleepers”. Time will tell on my draft but we already know this album is rad so hopefully Spud McKenzie’s Party Animals do it justice…
- Welcome To The Jungle-With the first pick I took Joseph Addai. He has had one season that got everyone really excited about this guy but still kind of unproven. It is kind of like hearing the Hollywood Rose demos and hearing promise and then the opening shred of this anthem…hopefully Addai pans out half as well.
- It’s So Easy-Kinda sleazy and not really one of the better cuts but some classic lines. Well lets hope the Raiders D hits you and you fall down…suh!
- Nightrain-Maybe the best song on the record and easily my favorite. The crash and burn part reminds me of Marques Colston who sadly I think is a flash in the pan. I think he is on the nightrain. I think he loves that stuff. I am not sure if he can get enough…
- Out Ta Get Me-I don’t think Vick is innocent and I would not advise anyone to suck him as he has the shanks. I do think Vick’s troubles (and the fact that Dunn is 45) will help my man Jerious Norwood. Take that one to heart…
- Mr. Brownstone-Again…under-appreciated along side the sexier picks so this one has to go to my man Marc Bulger. He puts up numbers just south of Manning, Palmer, Brady but does not get the run. Well on Sundays I wont get up on time but ill be watching Bulger put up huge numbers and I’ll be sipping a drink and feeling fine.
- Paradise City-Crazy coked out song reminds me of a crazy coked out city and their drugged up D. I grabbed the Chargers D in hopes that they would eat more horse roids and do more cool dances when they hurt people.
- My Michelle-Sleeper jam for a sleeper pick. I grabbed Selvin Young who is somewhere on the Broncos RB depth chart but Shannahan might decide he wants to play QB in week 1 so who knows. You never can tell…
- Think About You-I kind of hate this song and I am only happy when it comes on if I have been subjected to a flurry of sweet Nickelback songs, songs about loving a bar, or maybe something from that He/She Fergie . That is kind of how I feel about Braylon Edwards.
- Sweet Child O’ Mine-Ahh the power ballad…you had to hear that record and know it was a hit. This is basically the same as Adam Vinateri as I am 100% sure what I am getting here.
- You’re Crazy-The most punk song on the record goes to the most punk player on my team and that is Chris Cooley. The dude has a white guy afro and I hope is not in the NFL’s substance abuse program. He also admitted to having six fantasy teams. Even as I sit here writing a blog comparing my fantasy football team to GNR I think that is crazy.
- Anything Goes- I don’t love this song and I certainly did not love this pick. Cadillac Williams could be great again or could suck. Anything goes I guess…
- Rocket Queen-I absolutely love this song and I absolutely love these two picks. I grabbed both Brandon Marshall and Patrick Crayton towards the end of my draft. These guys are both young WRs in systems that are aging but have gunslinger QBs.
Written by Andy Georgin
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- If the current champion of your league keeps bragging about how smart he is, remind him that he hasn’t gotten laid in 3 years. This should shut him up.
- When trying to come up with a good team name, think of something that reflects your personality, like “the whining vaginas” or “the unbearable douchebags.”
- If you’re doing your draft at a bar, don’t even bother to hide your ESPN phone when a female walks by, you never had a chance anyway.
- Try to resist drafting your personal man-crush several rounds too early, a good Fantasy GM never lets his latent homosexuality get in the way of constructing a good, balanced team.
- If you’ve sent Bill Simmons a question for his mailbag on who your keepers should be, and especially if it ends with “What would the Sports Guy do?”, please fill your bath tub with cement and take a nap in it.
- When posting your well thought out zinger on the league message board, make sure you reference someone’s mom and use lots and lots of exclamation points.
- If you name your team after your favorite NFL team, and then draft only players from that team, you’re probably a Jets fan, and we’re all glad you’re playing, we need more idiots like you.
- When coming up with a team logo, make sure its a gratuitous picture of a woman’s body part (like Vida Guerra’s ass or Jessica Simpson’s tits), this will convince everyone in the league you are a real ladies man and not an enormous loser.
- If you blame the draft robot for messing up your draft every year, try spending a few bucks and upgrading from that dial-up connection and Commodore 64, you penny pinching whore.
- Start making a list now of your 15 favorite team names since you’ll be changing it once a week anyway you annoying, indecisive dickhead.
- If you were last year’s champion be sure to create a plastic championship belt and carry it around like Rasheed Wallace, everyone will respect you.
- If you draft a Falcon, Jet or Raider in the first round, make sure to give yourself a vasectomy afterwards.
- Laugh uncontrollably at the first defense taken, even if the pick makes sense.
- Scream “Gramatica!” as loud as you can every time a kicker is taken, even if your draft is being done on-line.
- Be sure to make an arrest joke after the first Bengal is drafted, because that will be funny.
- If you purchased a fantasy draft magazine in June, you probably also have cheat codes for video games. Just give up.
- If you’re wearing a jersey during your draft, you probably have a mustache too, so no advice here, keep on truckin’.
- If you don’t know anyone in your league, just kill yourself.
- Make sure the Michael Vick joke you make has been said atleast 100 times already
- When picking Eli Manning, try not to spill your Zima
- When offering a terrible trade, be sure to make it a lopsided deal so the other guy will get one player and you will get his entire roster, because that’s definitely not a waste of time.
- When picking your back-up QB, send a dong text to Sean Salisbury
- Make sure you call everyone in the league a homo. It will boost your masculinity and charm the ladies. On that note, if there are women in your league make sure you swear uncontrollably at them during the draft if they take the guy you were going to take. Chicks love that. And then stab yourself in the cranium for allowing a guy’s wife into the league.
- When the one Raiders fan in the room (there’s always one, isn’t there?) Picks Dante Culpepper with his 2nd pick of the draft and starts screaming “RAIDERZ BABY!!!” at everyone in the room, avoid the temptation to punch him in the nuts. Taking money from douche bags like this is probably the most rewarding part of fantasy football.
- As a reference to the movie “Major Leagues”, do the following: While looking at the draft board, point to one of the players drafted by another team and proclaim, “This guy here is dead!”
-No matter how late in the draft it is, resist the Draft Robot’s repeated requests to take you to the Champagne Room this year…
- Shout “Elvis is the King” every time a Patterson or Grbac is drafted (An oldie but goodie)
- Never bet your favorite Don Johnson Miami Vice flower shirt on draft day as a wager to your 1st week opponent.
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